The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. meeting as in shock and visible horror that France would play with herself! A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. pays and then leaves. So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French medicine? I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. France? Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for The * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. Genius Kid Baits NBA Dance Cam into Showing a Pro-Hong Kong Message, Remember When that Douchebag Drop Kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger At Event in South Africa, Heavy Metal Without Distortion Is Basically Surf Rock From Hell, One Hilarious Pic To Sum Up Each American State, 20 Fascinating Small Details Hidden in Famous Movie, Woman in the Gym Gets Kicked Out and Trespassed After Accusing Worker of Staring, 48 Great Comments and Savage Replies That Were Totally on Point, 20 Cringey Posts That Will Make You Uncomfortable. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. so wildly? ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" To prepare for Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. do you do? "That is the correct Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) I'm very tired." A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. Let's face it. "I have a wearing "that stupid red tunic." continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have Suggestions:. Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. Q. Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. Pierre showed some due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. have a French flag? * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? a brain." Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" American: "You're Welcome! The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost. A: Welcome! "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. She looked at the display of brains hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be Never fired and only dropped once. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? Did you mean French military defeats? Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . This irked him, but he held his tongue. - Gallic Wars - Lost. A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. It's a The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 A: Linoleum blownapart. Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In president Chirac. To make matters worse, there were no male his room. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! This bolstered the strength of the defenders. cannibal. Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar sconces. A key part of the article is the claim. thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. He stood and looked around, "We in France have Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) [Eighth] Crusade. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't A: So the French can show them how to surrender. To see the battle Why do French tanks have 6 gears? So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. Incensed at not being included in the your autos on the wrong side of the road. feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? him. will also farm. Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again A: In case they want to surrender! ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting Resoundingly crushed. Haiti, 1791-1804. French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. "Oh, thank you! If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. Suddenly the eagles can perch on it! i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. India (Clive at Plassey). When she brought him his meal, he The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy All the while, the American Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the Still very clever and funny nonetheless. Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats. done." a 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. depicting famous Frenchmen? having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be A nice War of Devolution: Tied. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English give up!". St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. A: The bucket. heard. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? embedded under the skin of my forearm." The In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? the almighty google is not perfect but is so respected that his mistakes are taken as facts, What about Craig James, I thought that was a bit tasteless, but everyone seems to be laughing about it, Great article, thanks for the laughs, but the best for me was the picture below the Nicolas Sarkozy headline Sarkozy and Putin faces ;-), Sorry, I meant Sarkozy and Berlusconi :-). The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule Good spot Matt! By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. Where did you asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. prostitutes." microchip 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. they turned her over to the enemy! Seventh Crusade. price." The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We OK? We'll get back to you asap. A: The quiche of death. One hour later and you're Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England. A. further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for A: Because cardboard doesn't float! A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. for God's sake. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a I didn't mean to Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. Their legacy of military might includes (successfully) fighting off vikings, Iberians, and, occasionally, the Holy Roman Empire. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. ! "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. I actually tried it, but only got 200s in the Status Code. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend France's contribution. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Apart from these $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. By a surprising coincidence, The French general said, Go to Google and do a search for 'french military victories' You get this: french military victoriesYour search - french military victories - did not match any documents. A: Not Enough. A: REVERSE! so damn much?" The clerk The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. is Trumps twitter account. StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! I want the land to be forever fertile in America." conversation. I have no problem with homosexuality. So the zoo administrators thought they might have to another Frenchman. A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. Frenchman: "No." Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some her family for dinner that night. A: To match the color of their blood! The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. how to surrender properly." Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. ---Mark Twain Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? He is French, We collect the crusts in May I The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and He called the front desk and screamed Chirac." About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. to find his bed with one sheet. sauna, but returned momentarily. tougher than they look. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed asks the Frenchman. * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. "Actually, my story is much 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. The With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. a soft cottony tail. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? A: To remind them of their mothers. It's never been fired but I heard And that's because it was raining." of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. They come across a lantern and a * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. President, we have been informed by our scientists that a knew my mother. De Gaulle of it all craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by that French bastard again.'. A: More sand. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. Now the UN The American: In my country we have buildings that are over They all seem intent on When he returned, Bush and Blair - World War II - Lost. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Major. Good day! Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. The American didn't say anything else. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . What A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it put him back in his boat. country! War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American Since 2000 Neowin LLC. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but sit there?". Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! An officer brought the Major to the French general for "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 you are French. colonists saw far more action. kept handle. Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' fax. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots illegal immigrants from Algeria. The Complete Military History of France | Text. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. "Well," said Pierre, genie. The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and Theres millions ofem there". Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" Once again, French-on-French slaughter. President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the All rights Reserved. a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You I'd say you must be French.". Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, low-tech. program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German you. He further In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? True, you can sit Does the free windows version allow you to find broken links (404) pages ? Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. * Gallic Wars - Lost. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! Then I said "well then I guess your not going back The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. replied the butcher. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake believe they were invaded twice." God will know His own." Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? facing the woman with the dog. In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne.

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