239. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. They log in. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. Stop playing with me., 6. I am quite fascinating. Swimming trunks. 2. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Words have the power to make or break us. Walter Bagehot. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 173. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. - Catherine Pulsifer. 19. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. avoid carbs. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 73. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Franklin Jones Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Ann Landers 127. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Positive mindset affirmations. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Go to bed with satisfaction.". Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Laughter brings me closer to people. 35. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 141. 134. Oh sheet!. I make the right choices every time. Sincerely, the floor. 121. Bill Murray They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 221. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 273. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 168. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I get up, dress up, and show up. 56. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 126. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I did not trip and fall. Honolulu, its got everything. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 130. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 105. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Exercise? 274. 34. Be careful when you follow the masses. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 162. I am happy and joyful. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Jonathan lockwood huie. 221. I never apologize. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 269. It makes them so damned mad. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 153. 6. Snowballs. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 216. 231. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 9. 43. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Honolulu, its got everything. 195. Today I was a hero. What do I do for a living? If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Snowballs. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Enjoy! I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 161. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. I draw from my inner strength and light. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 135. I thought you said extra fries. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. They log in. Ive been doing nothing for years. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. A wishbone. 223. 177. I can create positive change in the world. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 176. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 88. 186. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Sam Levenson Emphasis on the cool. 167. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Send me the link. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. I am fine. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 228. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 189. 198. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 67. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Run. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Im like a postage stamp. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 268. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 4. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Bill Gates. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. I am calm, patient and at peace. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Never let anyone waste your time twice. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Hi! Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 117. I have a lot to offer. Only two more days until Friday.". Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 277. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Gary Delaney, 248. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Funny Affirmations. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 197. I intend to live forever. I believe in what's possible for me. Happiness is a choice. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Because he was always spotted. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 2. Steven Wright, 252. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Pat Sajak, 41. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. - Christopher Reeve. 199. 6. A backbone. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I stick to things until I get to my destination. You wanna know who Im in love with? 99. - Donald Trump. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 24. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 71. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Why did the can crusher quit his job? "You have to be odd to be number one.". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 116. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 234. Happy Birthday.". 219. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 181. 156. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. Sam Levenson. 125. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. My liver still works. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 123. Art doesnt transform. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. 203. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. 98. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Short people with an umbrella. Its okay, he woke up. Friday Affirmations. 70. 161. Funny positive affirmations do work. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Love your enemies. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. I intend to live forever. 150. 137. Im gonna be worse., 12. 30. 164. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 252. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. It doesnt work if it is not open. You have to go after it with a club. 87. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. 13. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Its called tomorrow. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Milton Berle, 245. 54. Read the first word again. Is it perfect? 12. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 173. Any text will do. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. - Billie Burke. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Alison Boulter I choose to stop obsessing about my body. ". 229. 30. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 133. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 113. 143. Frances McDormand When they go away, its a brighter day. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Envelope. 214. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. All you need is love. I tried, but they wanted cash. 115. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. We have a connection. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Bill Murray 261. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 188. No matter what I look like. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. I tell you what always catches my eye. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. - Jeffrey Gitomer. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Never take life seriously. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 209. Steve Martin Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. I see the funny side of life more and more. 18. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 187. The library, because it has so many stories. 89. George Burns 260. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 39 funny positive affirmations. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 76. 57. 52. 185. 38. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. Cindy from Marzahn 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I never apologize. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. Ken Dodd And a funny bone. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 1. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. There are endless opportunities. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. grateful. Bill Murray Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 105. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 209. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 1. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. 45. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 138. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 52. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 122. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Not everyone has good taste. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. We frequently doubt ourselves. 46. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. So, why not team them up? 19. Why is England the wettest country? Effective pushing often involves poop. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I want to afford them., 2. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 107. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. Steven Alexander Wright. 277. 121. He who laughs last didnt get it. 114. 67. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Cindy from Marzahn. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. The thing is, Im still getting ready. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Description for this block. 20. What do I do for a living? 106. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Theres no stopping me now. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. If only common sense were more common. I accept my body the way it is today. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . 1. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 158. 4. Good morning! "We . 48. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Nothing, they just waved. Steven Wright 248. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 64. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Bill Murray, 260. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I dont want to fix my spending habits. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Pat Sajak I train my body. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 69. - Unkmown. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 237. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 200. 7. It just plain forms. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 123. 7. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 86. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 40. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. You can't wait for inspiration. 150. 33. 233. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. At night, I cant fall asleep. All rights reserved. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Wonderwoman: single. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. You can only be young once. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Things are getting better all the time. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. East. 44. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. We have a connection. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 38. 174. 37. Steve Martin, 254. Bill Murray Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. 191. It takes so little to change your life! 197. 278. Czech proverb, 261. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 124. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 175. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 25. 114. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. When nothing is going right, go left. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Your actions become your habits. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Charles M. Schulz My mistakes dont define me. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Not everyone has good taste. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. I nourish my body every day. 229. Dave Barry It has nothing new to tell you. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Its a door, thats how they work. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 181. I am on a seafood diet. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Don't forget to be awesome. 20. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". But you can always be immature. 152. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. And a funny bone., 10. 89. 263. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 250. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Leave me a if you agree! Its okay if people dont like me. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 26. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 1. Enjoy! Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 28. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? You were too lazy to read that number. In between, I am alive. 11. 58. It gets toad away. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 236. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 113. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past.

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